your parents love me but you hate me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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