apparently the secret to your success is patron
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
