So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
