I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
