Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
