I just threw up on my dentist
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
