my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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