it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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