I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
