I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
