Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
