proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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