I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
