Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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