I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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