everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
