wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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