I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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