I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
