had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
