I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
soo... how was my night?
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