I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
