went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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