I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
