do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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