Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
