how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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