Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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