Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
