Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
