Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
