Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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