yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
