coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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