That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
