I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
