Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
