I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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