no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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