I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You may now shotgun with the bride
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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