I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Everclear isn't food dammit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
