you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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