think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
