i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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