I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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