I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
