my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think your dad took our porno
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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