Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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