Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
