hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
