That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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