marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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