My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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