i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
