I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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